I can tuck mytits in my pants
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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