You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
