Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
