thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
