i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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