i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
