I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
