i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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