When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
