Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Alive.
So much puke
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize