the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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