In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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