I feel great
I just peed on a car
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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