that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
