He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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