I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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