Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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