Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
