So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
