he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
