I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
