We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
