Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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