I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
