Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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