What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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