mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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