i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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