then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
