you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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