Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
