First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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