My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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