So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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