i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Less talking, more tequila
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
