so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
