All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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