Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
