I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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