By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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