he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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