Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
