I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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