Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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