Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
