Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
