Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize