DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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