Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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