My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
