dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I color on your dick again?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
