this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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