i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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