Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
