I wish I could punch you in the face.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
