We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
