4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
