____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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