My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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