is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
