You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
