69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
