his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
