so explain again why im purple
no
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
