the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
