Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
