Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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